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Christianity

Solitia — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 04:38:19 CST

Many people profess to know the true meaning of the religion, but many follow haphazardly, if at all. Share your insights into this mainstream religion.

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Solitia — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:31:37 CST

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Get Involved

Solitia — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:31:14 CST

So you've read the rules, you know who we are and what we do and now you want to get involved. GREAT! Welcome to Unlimited Pathways. We are always looking for new contributers, readers, general members who comment and suggest things to make the site exciting and new.

The first thing you will need to do is head over to your profile. Fill it out to tell us a little bit about you. We like to know who our members are and what they've done, so go ahead and toot your own horn!

Next, read what others have written. Check out the suggestions page and see if you can contribute an article about something written there. Write your personal story, add to articles already written, write a book review,link to your favorite sites, and promote your group, coven or event. Please be mindful to the navigation structure. We don't want to have to move them around once they're published so links aren't broken, but we will if necessary. If there isn't a section for your article or you want to provide a new path it can be created! That's the beauty of a Wiki! You can also come and chatter with us via the Unlimited Pathways forums.

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Unlimited Pathways

Solitia — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:30:33 CST

The poem The Road not Taken by Robert Frost sums Unlimited Pathways quite well. The traveler takes the path less traveled and it has made all the difference in his life. Many of us in our lives are that way, finding their own path amongst all those that have been carved, occasionally finding how way leads on to way and have traveled the different winding roads to our current place and finding yet others still to tread. So many in today's day and age have found themselves standing as the innocent traveler with their foot poised over the threshold of a new journey and once we meet a crossroads, we stand at it again.

Unlimited Pathways is a website devoted to the sharing of life's lessons and journeys in stories and essays written by the everyday man who is following their path to enlightenment. Have you found a path you are passionate about? Write out your story and post it here for others to view. Join the group and share your knowledge on your path in life and read and learn about others.

We are currently under construction and always looking for more suggestions, so fire away and look for more edits coming every day!

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Sexuality

Solitia — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:37:08 CDT

What is Bisexuality? -Kathy Labriola
Slut: A Four LetterWord -Unknown
Vaginal Wonder -Krystel Madison

Vaginal Wonder

Solitia — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:35:02 CDT

Vaginal Wonder
Krystel L Madison
http://www.livejournal.com/community/fww/14164.html

I am calm and wait for the intermission music to end. I stand at the edge of the stage behind the curtains at the top of the stairwell. When the audience settles down I watch for Megan at the other stairwell; as soon as our piece is introduced, she comes on stage from the other side. I step into the spotlight from my side. I remove my glasses and look down at my note cards. I cannot read them, but I don’t need to because I have every line memorized.

I raise my chin to face her; she sits on a stool next to me. We look as hard as we can into each other’s eyes (“Remember you are two parts of one mind,” Krista had said the day before. “You are trying to make her see your side.”), and Megan begins.

My vagina was green, water soft pink fields, cow mooing sun resting sweet boyfriend touching lightly with soft piece of blonde straw.

I want to talk about vaginas. Specifically, I want to talk about the play I was recently in that celebrates women’s vaginas, called The Vagina Monologues (TVM for short).

You say “vagina” and people immediately get quiet. They give you a sideways glance, blush and stammer, and try to change the subject. They can’t say why they feel uncomfortable, but they shush you when you say it aloud in a public place. TVM was written to combat this oppression: private topics ranging from menstruation to masturbation are tackled with humor and compassion to get the idea across that these things aren’t dirty and we can all relate to them. And if we can accept the reality of our bodies—the good, the bad, and the ugly—then maybe we can focus on other pressing women’s issues, particularly violence against women. TVM brazenly broaches worldwide issues of acid burning, female genital mutilation, rape, murder, torture, and domestic abuse. These private hurts are political statements waiting to be addressed.

I wasn’t trying to make a political statement when I first saw TVM, however. I was a junior in the NSE program at Humboldt State University in Arcata, California. Arcata was a very liberal, free-thinking place, the Berkeley of Northern California. Now, I thought I was a liberal free-thinker too, until I came to HSU. Political rallies were a common occurrence in the student square, where dread-locked stoners passed out fliers on recycled paper raging against corporate America and newly-elected President Bush. We were encouraged not buy farm factory meat products, and vegan meals were not relegated to a side option in the dining halls; they were often the main course. Everyone was urged to use soy creamer with their café lattes and support the local tree huggers in the uphill battle against the destruction of the luscious redwood forest surrounding the university. Not surprisingly, the entire campus embraced the spring production of TVM.

There is something between my legs. I do not know what it is. I do not know where it is. I do not touch. Not now. Not anymore. Not since.

I was all about trying new things, so I bought a ticket to opening night. I arrived early and chatted with other women about the note cards we were handed by the ushers, who asked us to write down what our vaginas would say and wear if they could. I mulled over my card for several minutes; I had no idea what to write. I finally jotted down "hello" and handed it in when we were seated. The place was so packed that latecomers had to sit on the floor in the aisles.

As part of a monologue intermission, the actresses read our note cards on-stage. I wanted to poke the woman sitting next to me and say, “That’s mine!” when one woman coyly said, “Hello,” to the question, “What would your vagina say?” I harrumphed along with the wife of a cheating husband in “Hair.” I nodded in silent, embarrassed agreement with the woman who discovered her vagina for the first time in “The Vagina Workshop.” She did not know what her vagina looked like or even where it was, except that it was “down there.” When she finally discovered it, she said she encountered a state of being called “vaginal wonder.” I would never admit it at the time, but I knew exactly how she felt: I was experiencing vaginal wonder in the audience! I worried I would become the old lady of “The Flood,” who never had an enjoyable sexual experience. I was keenly aware of what I lacked, but I’d always assumed I was in the minority. This play, however, challenged and then shattered my assumptions, one by one. Apparently there were thousands of women out there suffering with me.

Not since I dream there’s a dead animal sewn in down there with thick black fishing line. And the bad dead animal smell cannot be removed. And its throat is slit and it bleeds through all my summer dresses.

The most moving monologue was “My Vagina Was My Village.” It was almost unbearable sitting in the middle of a full aisle (I couldn’t walk out inconspicuously), listening to the woman onstage shout at us about everything she’d faced as a Bosnian refugee. I could not even begin to imagine the atrocities she described. I wished the play were fictional then because I didn’t want to accept that such things happened in this world. Her story, recalling what the Serbian soldiers did to her, made me cry uncontrollably and I became self-conscious: would the people around me notice my sniffling? What did my reaction say about me? I darted my eyes around the audience, but everyone was riveted to the actress, who alternated between a mournful wail and hysterical yelling. I didn’t even know where Bosnia was; I’d heard about the war over there, but I didn’t know the why or wherefore. I preferred my cocoon of ignorance, where my biggest worry was where to find a computer lab on campus—not how safe I would be getting there. And why was she telling us this stuff anyway? It’s not like there was anything we could do against ingrained cultural beliefs on the other side of the world. They did things differently there; they weren’t civilized like us.

Despite its abrasiveness, I came away from TVM a different person. I no longer shied away from frank, sexual topics that came up in conversations with my sorority sisters. I urged friends and family members to see the play if they could, and imagined being a part of a future production myself. But I swore if I ever auditioned, I would never, ever take the “Village” monologue. I just couldn’t go there.

Not since the soldiers put a long thick rifle inside me. So cold, the steel rod canceling my heart. Don’t know whether they’re going to fire it or shove it through my spinning brain. Six of them, monstrous doctors with black masks shoving bottles up me too. There were sticks, and the end of a broom.

Last spring, I auditioned for the BSU production of TVM. I figured it was a long shot—I had zero acting experience and, despite my fearlessness when I left the HSU campus theater three years before, I wasn’t exactly what the play called a “vagina warrior.” I never said “vagina” out loud anymore because, despite the fact that it didn’t bother me, I noticed that it did bother my friends. Maybe it was a product of growing up in the Midwest, but they talked like their mothers: they didn’t say “vagina,” they’d say “down there.” “She has a feminine problem.” “Oh, they’re having problems in the bedroom.” And, though I was open to sexually explicit topics, my friends weren’t. I noticed that people engaged in all kinds of sexual activity, but it was not in good form to talk about it; those who did were considered show-offs or, worse, sluts. Sexuality was a double-edged sword: you were prudish if you didn’t engage in sex, but sluttish if you talked about what you did. It was as if the sexual revolution took one step forward and two steps back in this part of the country.

Needless to say, I was not the kind of woman who talked about her vagina on-stage. I remembered how I wanted to be a part of the play when I watched it at HSU, but a few thousand miles and several layers of potential embarrassment held me at bay up until the day of the audition. I had a vague desire to recapture the soaring feeling I had from watching the HSU production: the sly, rebellious act of simply going to a thought provoking, and topically risqué, play. Attending it had been the equivalent of shouting “vagina!” in the middle of a crowded street. My friends and family thought I was nuts to have seen it; imagine how shocked they would be to find out I was in it!

But I realized as I made my way to the Student Center on the night of auditions that attending the play was infinitely easier than being in it. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to try out because I didn’t want to get talked out of it. I showed up forty-five minutes early, nervously re-reading the first few paragraphs of “The Flood.” I picked “The Flood” because I still worried I’d become a jaded old lady living with a dozen cats but not intimately connected to anyone else or my own body, and I thought my feelings would make my reading more authentic. While waiting for my turn, I compared notes with the other girls, close to forty in all. A university group, Feminists for Action, was holding the tryouts. In fact, many girls that night were involved in Feminists for Action and planned to help promote the production whether they got roles or not. I suddenly felt inadequate because my reasons for auditioning seemed much shallower in comparison. They were backing their political beliefs with action; I didn’t even have the nerve to admit I was a feminist in mixed company without qualifying the statement: “Oh, I’m not that kind.” I began to wonder just why I was trying out—my reasons seemed comparatively superficial to their political agendas.

When auditions began, we filed into the tryout room to do warm-up exercises. The organizer, Colleen, had us get into a big circle and state, one by one, what our vaginas sounded like. I was two people away from her and became incredibly nervous because I'd be one of the first to speak. I didn't know I would have to discuss my vagina at the audition and wasn't prepared with anything to say! When it was my turn, I just held a prolonged "ahhhhh" sound. Then Colleen said we had to describe our vagina in one word; mine was "picky." I was as honest as I could be, but I wondered just what had I gotten myself into?! I realized that I should've seen this coming. The play was about vaginas, after all. Still, I wasn't sure if I could take any more surprises. Then the directors, Krista and Katelin, handed out applications (where we had to circle what moans we would do at tryout!) and wished us all good luck.

Later, I stepped into the tryout room and sat at a chair before the play’s tribunal. My nervousness was concentrated on whether or not I would actually have to moan in front of these girls. But moaning never came up—they just asked me to begin reading whenever I felt like it. Krista stopped me after only a couple paragraphs, and Colleen asked me if I knew how to do accents. I said no, realizing that admitting as much probably just cost me a role. So I was incredibly pleased the next morning when I got a congratulatory email from Colleen.

Then I found out what role I got: the dreaded “Village” monologue. I was assigned to share the part with another girl named Megan: she got the reminiscent half about the Bosnian woman’s life before the brutal attack and I got the graphic half that described what she had been subjected to at the hands of the Serbs. In turn, half of me was amused by the irony of getting the role I least desired, while the other half was terrified at the prospect of giving such a grim recital to the BSU campus. But I wasn’t about to back down. I plunged full-speed ahead into practicing my lines before the first rehearsal a few days later.

Not since I heard the skin tear and made lemon screeching sounds, not since a piece of my vagina came off in my hand, a part of the lip, now one side of the lip is completely gone.

“Krystel, I love the emotion you’re putting into your piece. I got goosebumps!” Katelin said, giving me a wide smile. It was our first practice, and I’d acted up a storm. Critics call it “chewing the set.” I called it nailing the piece; I just reenacted as best I could from memory the maelstrom of fury the actress in Arcata had portrayed. I didn’t say anything other than:

“Thanks.”

Krista still had advice for me. “You need to think about what you’re saying. It’s easy to look at the piece and feel pity, but you need to avoid that.” I was thinking, Pity?! I didn’t think I sounded like I was seeking pity. So I'm supposed to be emotional but at the same time not be? That didn't make much sense to me.

Katelin agreed. “It’s a trap many girls fall into with this piece.”

Krista concurred. “To avoid it, I suggest you study and do research on the situation of Bosnian women.”

Research? I thought. I re-read my lines—everything was plain as day. Why did I have to research it? I thought I had a pretty good idea about what those women went through: my mom, a native of the Philippines, often told me tales of male chauvinism prevalent in her home country. Women were expected to stay at home and raise kids, totally dependent on their macho husbands. That attitude, I always figured, was a product of third world countries and their stubborn hold on archaic traditions. There was little difference between the Philippines and Bosnia in my mind, except that Bosnia was war-torn, which only conjured up images of helicopters whipping up puffs of sand and soldiers in combat gear hiding themselves in rough terrain from guerrilla warriors. The treatment of Bosnian women in general never entered my mind.
Still, I reluctantly submitted to sporadic online searches when Krista continued to get frustrated with me at practice. By then I was frustrated too, because Krista said I was beginning to sound monotone. I didn’t know how to rectify my reading, though. I figured if I was in a position of relating such a devastating account, I’d feel dead inside too. So I hoped doing the research she suggested would give me some much-needed perspective.

What I gleaned was harrowing. Women in countries like Bosnia are seen as symbols of the nation, of community. To harm them is to shred the fabric of the community and destroy its sense of honor. So Serbian soldiers treated women as tools of war and subjected them to such dehumanizing acts as systematic rape and sexual mutilation. According to Eve Ensler, the TVM playwright, 20,000 to 70,000 women were raped in the middle of Europe in 1993. I read that Bosnian men fled their villages because any of them found by the attacking Serbs would get round up and shot. The women would then be gathered together and brought to another location, like an empty school, to endure various forms of torture. Even the women who managed to get away from the occupying forces to become refugees were at risk of being treated like common sexual property by smugglers, border guards, and other refugees.

Not since they took turns for seven days smelling like feces and smoked meat, they left their dirty sperm inside me. I became a river of poison and pus and all the crops died, and the fish.

These women were reluctant to tell their tales because they felt shame. They were raised in a society that conditioned them to internalize their trauma. Krista suggested I take this even further, and view the speaker of the piece as a woman who’d had an involuntary orgasm during an act of rape, in order to get a sense of how she felt. But I just didn’t know how—the acts described were alien to me. Things like that just don’t happen to people I know in my world, in my country, in my town.

The week before the play, I was down to the wire and still confused about how to read my part. On a whim, I practiced with a friend who told me that my lines resonated with truth because she knew many women who sustained similar violence in the United States. She told me about a friend of hers who was gang-raped in an empty building in Kansas City. It took her years before she could walk past the building where it happened without having a panic attack. Recently she stepped inside the building and found her old driver’s license and a pair of glasses from her purse, still lying on the floor after all these years. She took them with her when she left. I recalled the introduction to my monologue, which states that on average 500,000 women are raped in the U.S. every year. I realized then that, whether I chose to acknowledge it or not, my world was tainted by violence against women, agony that was just as bad as what women on the other side of the world lived through. Even though I have never been raped, I could not deny that the violence didn’t affect me. It affected me by affecting the women around me who were victims. And I began to remember stories of friends who were harassed at work, who were afraid to walk down the street at night, who carried Mace in their purses “just in case.” I remembered times in my past when I felt threatened, like when I was eight years old and the three sons of my babysitter tried to attack me in their bedroom. I had no concept of rape or what they might have done; I just recalled my terror and animal-like rage that lashed out at them non-stop until I was able to escape. And I remembered the shame and guilt I felt, that their actions were somehow my fault, and maybe I'd led them on and therefore I caused the situation and was a "bad" girl. These feelings resulted in a complete refusal to ever discuss the matter with anyone until years later. I was lucky, but many women were not.

The day before opening night, I sat on the recliner in my living room and concentrated again on my piece. I recited the lines I knew so well, keeping Krista’s technical cues in mind. But instead of only concentrating on my delivery, I homed in on the words I spoke. I tried to imagine the fear of being forced away from my house at gunpoint to another location, prodded like cattle with other women. Would I reach out to the other women, try to hold someone’s hand, or be held myself? I imagined a rifle inside me, and I worried if the soldiers would shoot or spike it through me. I anticipated the screeching pain of either, and on one hand wished I could die and on the other hand feared dying in such a humiliating way. I wondered if my family would be safe and if I’d be okay. And I questioned: how could this happen to me? Where were my protectors? Where was God? Why would I tell such a tale? I would tell it to make someone else understand. My thoughts began to blur, and I came out of my meditation solemn, but grounded.

My vagina a live wet water village.
They invaded it. Butchered it and burned it down.
I do not touch now.
Do not visit.
I live someplace else now.
I don’t know where that is.

The audience is mostly silent, though the ‘rifle’ line elicits a few gasps and uncomfortable moans. Megan and I lower our eyes to floor at the same time. We wait for a moment or two before retreating to our assigned spots on stage with the rest of the cast. The audience does not applaud.

The show goes on.

Slut: A Four Letter Word

Solitia — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:31:22 CDT

http://www.tomatonation.com/slut.shtml

A Four-Letter Word
This means you.

Slut -- 1: a slovenly woman : SLATTERN 2a: a lewd woman; esp : PROSTITUTE b: a saucy girl : MINX

Ah, "slut." A compact little word, forceful even in the way it sounds, starting out with a hissing sibilant and pushing off of the tongue through the L and U, and then that nastily crisp T. "Slut." Say it a few times out loud. Roll it around in your mouth. "Sssslut." "Sss…lllut." Say it again. Notice that it's difficult -- almost impossible, in fact -- to pronounce it neutrally. It's got a sneer built into it, that word. It's not as twangy and unthreatening as "tramp." It's not as easy to yell as "whore." "Whore" is built for screaming rage and dishes flying through the air, with a nice gusty H at the front and a big old roaring R bringing up the rear. Not "slut," though. "Slut" is muttered. "Slut" is whispered. "Whore" comes in like a punch, but "slut" tingles, like a slap. "Slut" hides behind the teeth. "Slut" is for when your back is turned.

"Slut" is for when you don't act like a lady. "Slut" is for when you sit with your legs apart. "Slut" is for when you wear it short, tight, without a bra, cut up high and down low and around the side, because, see, "slut" is also for when you have the nerve to enjoy your body in front of women who hate their own bodies. Don't strut. Don't dance with soul, or lick your lips. Don't look too good; don't think you look too good. Digging your own self is slutty. Making your own good time is slutty. Who do you think you are, anyway? Knees together, slut.

"Slut" is for when you forget to hate and fear boys. "Slut" is for when you talk to them, flirt with them, hang out with them and watch kung fu movies, pretend they don't suck at guitar, sit on their laps, cut their hair. "Slut" is for when you don't remember that you can't have a male friend unless he's your brother or gay, because your male friends want to fuck you, and you can't handle that. "Slut" is liking sports and belches and messy apartments -- or, rather, "liking" those things, because you couldn't really like those things. You just pretend to like them so that you can get attention from men, because you have no personality of your own, and even if you did, men only want you for your action anyway. That's pathetic. Get a life, slut.

"Slut" is for when, in spite of everything you've learned from Cosmo and your sorority sisters, you just love men, for when you want to look at them and talk about them and burrow your nose into their necks and lick them from head to toe and hop right on them when they walk in the door like that scene from Raising Arizona where Holly Hunter clings to Nicolas Cage like a wood tick. Ugh. That's so undignified. That's so unfeminine. "Slut" is for walking down the street and talking to a friend on your cell phone and watching a cute boy walk past in the opposite direction and looking at him and looking away and looking back and then turning around in mid-sentence to keep looking. "Slut" is for thinking of stubble burn and biting your lip. "Slut" is for remembering the way your first true love used to pin you up against his car door and flushing clear up to the roots of your hair. "Slut" is for big hands and deep voices. "Slut" is for on top of you and under you and behind you, in the closet, on the floor, under the piano. "Slut" is for liking it. "Slut" is for wanting it. "Slut" is for going after it. Men hunt, women gather; men chase, women wait. Look it up, slut.

A Four-Letter Word
Bad girls have more fun. That doesn't seem fair, does it?

"Slut" is for kissing boys with tongue. "Slut" is for kissing lots of different boys with tongue. "Slut" is for craving kissing lots of different boys with tongue. That's not right, you know. It says so in the Bible, and in social hygiene films. "Slut" is for loving sex. "Slut" is for needing sex. "Slut" is for thinking sex isn't shameful. Sex is for married people, for diamond owners, for nice girls in twin sets whose mothers hid the Erica Jong, for people totally and completely, like, in total and complete love, and it takes place behind closed doors, with the lights out. Sex isn't fun. Sex isn't casual. Sex is a deadly serious, disgusting, dirty, degrading business. Just lie there. Don't move around. Don't use your fingernails or moan or anything; that's slutty. Don't get on top. Don't go down. Going down is really slutty, especially if you like it as much as he does. Ew. That's so gross. Only a slut would like that. That's so sickening. I bet you masturbate, too. Ew, I can't even think about that. That's so foul -- touching yourself down there like that? That's -- well, it's dirty and sticky and gross, dude! Nobody does that. Well, boys do, but that's different.

"Slut" is for sex outside a committed relationship. Sex outside a committed relationship is a cry for help. It means you have no self-respect, obviously. You're, like, a total nympho, man. I can't believe you would even do that. God. Don't talk about it. Don't think about it. Don't miss it. Don't daydream about doing it with Josh Hartnett in a waterfall. I mean -- yuck. That's totally slutty. Are you, like, desperate or something? Why else would you just have sex with a guy? That's so wrong. You're so wrong. You're such a slut.

"Slut" is for fucking on the first date, giving head instead of your number, not caring if he calls, caring if he calls but fucking another guy to pass the time. You do that stuff, well, clearly you're a slut. What's even worse? You, like, enjoy it. It's so show-offy, too. Like, "look at me, I think I'm a guy," like Samantha on Sex & The City, like, get over yourself, hon. And, I mean, Samantha brings home at least one new guy every week, but she's, like, obviously so miserable and empty inside because she never settles down. Don't you want to get married? How do you ever expect to get married if you keep slutting around? You have to save yourself. I mean, no man's going to want you if you've slept with, like, a million other guys before him. You're used. You're dirty. He'll fuck you, but he'll never bring you home to his mother, because you didn't stay pure and go to bed only with guys you loved. And you can't have more experience than your husband; that's just not done. What if he gets insecure about it? You'll scare him off. You don't want that, do you?

A Four-Letter Word
Do you know how much I hate you, you slut? Almost as much as I hate myself.

And you've probably got diseases. I bet you don't even use protection. Remember? How you have no self-respect? And don't use condoms and birth control, because you just want guys to like you, so you just fuck them? That's so sad. I feel really sorry for you. Yeah, you say you enjoy it, but it's just a compulsion, and it's pitiful, really.

Just stay away from my man, okay? Don't even talk to him. Women have to look out for each other, because men would never look out for us, because we don't deserve their respect and fidelity. We women have to stick together. If he steps out on me with you, that's not his fuck-up. It's yours. I mean, you're the slut here. You obviously came onto him all barracuda-style and lured him into bed, so I blame you completely. So just don't even go over there to talk to him. He'd never treat me right, and if I left you two alone, something would happen.

God, I can't even look at you. You just prance around acting all carefree like you don't care what happens, like it doesn't matter, like you have the right to sleep with whomever you want or something -- you make me ill! I hate you! Fuck you, slut!

If you found yourself nodding along in sincere agreement with any of what's written above, you have a serious, serious problem and need to report to your nearest therapist for a course of self-esteem rehabilitation and double-standard deprogramming. The rest of you may continue to wear your sluttishness with pride. Here endeth the lesson.
And thank you, Dr. Weston- http://my.webmd.com/content/article/43/1687_51080
A review of The Ethical Slut- http://www.sexuality.org/authors/henkin/whes.html
You know, your mother doesn't know everything- http://www.psybersquare.com/printer/printer_women_like_sex.html
Please slut responsibly- http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/medicalinfo/main.xml

The Vampire Codex

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 19:28:29 CDT

http://www.sacred-texts.com/goth/vc/index.htm

The Vampire Codex is a document written by occultist and psychic vampire Michelle Belanger for use as the instructional text of House Kheperu (www.kheperu.org). The prototype of this work was first set to paper in late 1991. A specially printed version was offered to select students in conjunction with the International Society of Vampires beginning in 1995. Later revisions led to the Sanguinarium edition, published by the Sanguiarium Press in October 2000. This version is derived from the Sanguinarium edition which also came to be circulated widely on the Internet. The Vampire Codex has had a significant impact on the worldwide community of psychic vampires, becoming the fundamental text used by numerous Houses, Orders, Covens, and Clans. It has influenced the teachings of vampire groups throughout the US, Canada, and Western Europe. It has also come to the attention of several noteworthy occult organizations, including the Temple of Set, the IOT and the Church of Satan. (Peter Gilmore, current head of the Church of Satan, expressed his disappointment at Michelle's absence at the New York City release of "V" as he wanted her autograph on the special edition of the Codex released with that work).
As the Kheprian Order has continued to expand and reveal deeper and more complicated levels of its teachings, the Codex has continued to grow since its first underground releases. A special edition written for the Order of the Strigoi Vii was released as book two of "V" October 2003 by vampyrealmanac.com in conjunction with Aangel Publishing. An expanded, revised edition will be published by Weiser Books in the fall of 2004. This will be the definitive edition, featuring 108 individual sections broken up into divisions which address psychic vampirism, basic energy work, and advanced metaphysical techniques. The version below has come to be known as the Vampire Codex: Internet Edition and is freely and widely shared with any and all interested parties. It is derived mainly from the 2000 Sanguinarium edition, although it includes a few sections originally left out of that published edition.

Philosophy

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:46:18 CDT

This is not where we share the works of others, it is where we share our own brands of philosophy and thoughts on various topics. Here is where you might include suggested reading.

Satanism

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:45:34 CDT

There are, my dear friends, many forms of Satanist. Here we can share information about different forms of Satanism and their paths. Please, as always, cite sources!

Site Rules

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:44:10 CDT

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CITE SOURCES. This way we can all go and check out the information you used when writing your articles unless they are personal opinion. Create some suggested reading at the bottom if you wrote from your own perspective. Our purpose is to educate!

Vampirism

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:42:38 CDT

There are many forms of vampirism from psychic to sanguine to even those who have been possessed by an entity. Share your knowledge and be sure to site sources!

Sabbats and Esbats

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:34:36 CDT

The Sabbats

Each year, many pagans celebrate eight festivals or Sabbats. Each festival represents a cycle of life of not only each person, but also the earth. This cycle, commonly called the Wheel of the Year, usually begins in October with Samhain and is the New Year’s Feast. There are those who follow the start of the year at a different time. Those Pagans would celebrate the holiday as one of the eight holy days, then have their New Year’s celebration on the holiday that marks the beginning of their year.
This is an explanation of those holidays. The holidays are listed in the order in which our tradition celebrates them beginning with Samhain and continues in order of the calendar months until we would again return to Samhain. I have also included, for the sake of learning, the Christian festivals and what is traditionally done in their celebrations.

Samhain

Samhain is traditionally celebrated on October 31st but the date of the equinox, when it was traditionally celebrated, usually falls around November 5th. This was the time of year when the last of the grain and gourds were brought in from the fields. The Fae, or fairies, were said to go underground right after Samhain and if a person was careless, they could find themselves in the land of the Fae, unable to return until after May Day. Many humans would lose their memory of the mortal world while in the Otherworld with the Fae and never return at all. On this day, the veil between this world and the astral realm is at its thinnest, allowing for spirits to travel among us. Though negative beings may be among us, this is not a day of evil or hostile ghosts, but a day to honor the dead by remembering those who have recently passed on, even our most distant ancestors or to learn more about a family member who has died.

Divination is practiced during Samhain due to the thinning of the Veil; it is easier to speak to the dead. Many Pagans leave a place setting during their feasts, called “Dumb Suppers”, in which a bell is rung to signal silence. This silence lasts for the duration of the meal until the bell is then rung again signaling the beginning of returned conversation. During this feast, the dead are welcome to come and sample the foods left for them at the empty setting.

Trick or Treating is a Samhain tradition that survives today. In old times, townspeople would go door to door collecting food for the dead during the Dumb Supper. Fearing the dead would posses them or drag them into the Underworld, people of the town would wear costumes to prevent the dead from knowing who was living. Some wore masks to keep the fae from tricking them into the Underworld. The dark nights made travel difficult, so home owners placed candles in pumpkins to light the way of the collectors. The pumpkins were carved with scary faces to frighten off any evil spirits that might be lurking about.

With the days turning darker and colder, winter is a time for turning toward the center, home, and individual. Samhain is a dark time for nurturing and nourishment of our intentions that are waiting for the fertile warmth of spring before outward expression; a time when old things decay to feed fresh growth. Some pagans spend the night in the woods around a campfire, sharing food and drink, telling stories, remembering the past year and telling their hopes for the coming year. They remember those recently dead. Some groups choose someone to represent death. A guided meditation is held, allowing each person to face death so they may “die before they die” by facing their mortality and recognizing the role of death in the natural cycle.

This is a favorite holiday for many of the darker paths as it is a celebration of the dark days ahead, which means a heightening of the powers of the nocturnal and the settling in to a more peaceful time.

Yule

Yule is celebrated at the winter Solstice, typically around December 21st, the longest night of the year. It is a time of great personal power for the night kind. Yule is a familiar time because many traditions survive in the Christmas celebrations of today. Family and friends come together to sing and pop chestnuts over the Yule log. Couples kiss under the mistletoe as the feeling of merriment fills the air. It is a time of fellowship and good will.

In ancient times it was believed that the Sun needed our help to return so the people would light bonfires to strengthen the Sun. Lighted candles in windows and lights on houses and trees are leftover symbols of those bonfires. On Yule Eve, a special log was chosen to be burned in the fireplace all night, urging the Oak King to victory over his brother the Holly King, even though the battle is always won by the Holly King. Charred pieces of the Yule Log were kept to protect the house through the coming year, and a small piece was also kept to begin the next year’s fire. Today this log is represented as a log cake or a small log lit with candles.

It is tradition to kiss under the mistletoe when two people pass underneath. This tradition stems from the Norse legend of Baldur. Loki, the trickster, thought of a prank and made an arrow of Mistletoe. He gave this arrow Baldur’s Brother Holder. The blind Holder, trusting Loki, shot Baldur through the heart. Since the mistletoe plant hadn’t been asked by his mother Frigga, Baldur died. The Gods restored Baldur to life, but Frigga realized her mistake and decreed mistletoe should bring love into the world. Afterward, any two people passing under the mistletoe would kiss as a show of good will. Even two feuding people would lay down their arms and call a day’s truce when they passed under mistletoe.

This was also a season of the year when the herds were culled as there was only enough food to feed the strong and young who would be needed to breed in the spring. The hunting was harder now because of the weather and there were no agricultural concerns. The animals that were too weak were used for feasting, salted and dried to use throughout the year, or traded for items the family would need throughout the year. The gifts that some of us exchange at Yule stem from trading what one had for what one lacked.

Many people go into woods to collect greenery and decorate their homes. In cutting greenery to decorate homes, Pagans find ways to express their relatedness to living things. Yule has added a further example of the relationship between the human world and the “natural” world. To honor midwinter, decorate a Yule tree and perform a ceremony at midnight . In marking this time as special by observing sunset, midnight and sunrise, Pagans harmonize their lives with natural cycles.

Imbolc

Imbolc is celebrated on February 2nd and is also known as Candlemas or Omelic, meaning “ewes milk” and refers to the pregnant sheep coming into milk at this time of year. Celebrations at Imbolc are performed to welcome back the sun which is slowly but surely making a comeback. Days are noticeably longer now and people are anxious for spring to return in full force. Lighting candles and fires is the most common activity for the day.

February second is also Groundhog Day which many have speculated arose from Pagan practices of Brigit’s serpent coming from a mound to foretell the weather. A tradition in Ireland to celebrate the holiday was to make dolls from sheaves of corn, grain, or straw and dress them to represent the Goddess Brigit. Along with this tradition, straw is woven into Brigit’s Crosses or Knots and are hung in doorways to bring blessings into the home. Brigit was one of the few Pagan Deities to have survived to modern day as a Christian Saint. She was a very powerful and popular goddess of healing, poetry, writing, inspiration, music, midwifery, smith craft and herbology. Since she was so popular, she was canonized as a Saint to help convert the people of Ireland to Christianity.

Today, we chant, dance and sing to send energy to the Earth, helping her awaken so spring may bloom. Those of a darker path make plans for the development of our lives on a spiritual level and express their hopes for individual, community or political change.

Beltane

Beltane is celebrated on the 1st of May, also called May Day, with the eve being named Walpurgis Eve. Beltane is the opposite point of the year from Samhain and opposite celebrations with Beltane representing life and Samhain representing death. Pagans go into the woods on May Eve and spend a night around a bonfire: for many it will be a night of life and passion. The month is May and the season is now spring. The animals are rutting now, looking to attract mates and raise families. Insects are pollinating flowers and trees as they burst into blossom. Humans follow suit as sexuality, love, fertility, and sensuality are the reasons for the celebration.

The name Beltane comes from the Irish word meaning “bright fire” and on this night, bonfires were lit on high hills. The fire symbolizes life, passion, love and sex and can also protect you for the coming year. You may call upon these flames to burn away negative traits, emotions, thoughts, or habits by mentally casting them into a fire. Some use the fire as a form of divination, gazing into the flames, causing an altered state of consciousness, and divine the future.

Along with the Beltane’s central theme of sexuality is the May Pole, a phallic symbol representing the male regenerative force in nature. Each participant chooses a colored ribbon which represents something they wish to weave into their life as the ribbon is woven onto the pole. The pole is erected in the soft Earth, representing the female force in nature, and the dancers, each holding the end of a ribbon dance as they weave in and out of the other dancers around the pole.

Another tradition of Beltane is crowning a King and Queen of May. The King and Queen are crowned with wreaths of flowers and leaves and the Queen teases the King with a green scarf, and then drops it. He pursues her as she eludes him, then allows him to catch her and rewards his effort with a kiss. The scarf is then passed on to another woman to do the same with a man of her choice. Historically the King and Queen were expected to go into the woods and consummate the energy of the circle for abundant hunts or crops. It was not unusual for young ladies and young men of the village to pair off and also join in the woodland festivities, oftentimes called a green wedding.

Ostara

The time of Ostara is celebrated around March 21st with the sun in Aries. This is the time of year for the Vernal Equinox or the first day of spring where the time of day and night are equal. The theme of this holiday is that of springtime, rabbits and colored eggs. All of life is trying to find harmony already seen in the balance of day and night. This is the time when seeds are sown and planted and also a time of planting new ideas, goals or activities or beginning spring cleaning.

The name of this Sabbat comes from the Goddess Ostara. Her symbols were the rabbit and the egg, both symbols of fertility. Even according to New Advent, a Catholic website, “The custom [of Easter eggs and Easter bunnies] may have its origins in Paganism, for a great many Pagan customs, celebrating the return of spring, gravitated to Easter […] The rabbit is a pagan symbol and has always been an emblem of fertility.”[1] Ostara is celebrated as spring’s powerful personification, sunrise, the gift and giver of life and fruitfulness, the celebrant of her own vitality and sexuality.

The eggs symbolize new life and rebirth. Decorated eggs were found hollowed in Egyptian tombs to be used as an amulet to help the soul find rebirth. Druids dyed eggs red in honor of the sun. The egg hunt might have originated with people having to climb into trees to find eggs in the trees where wild chickens would roots as there were no domesticated chickens. The egg’s nest was used as a basket for the gathered eggs to safely transport home.

As for the traditions of the Nightkind at this time: enjoy the now warming air. Clear the stale winter air from your home and allow in the new life. Enjoy the last of the darker days that are slowly winding to longer days. Breathe in the new life budding around you and remember that death has br

Litha

Litha occurs at the time of the typical summer day. The nights and days are warm, the sun is at its strongest, and it is the longest day of the year. Many people celebrate with an outdoor summer meal and an all night vigil. The participants feast on meals of summery foods such as cold cuts, fruit, or sweet cakes or bread with plenty of honey. The customary drink of Litha is Mead, a semi-alcoholic drink made from the honey the bees are busy producing: even the moon at this time of year is called the Honey Moon.

Litha, also called Midsummer, is held on the summer solstice, usually around June 21st, and the sun is entering the Astrological sign of Cancer. It may be the longest day of the year but soon the days will grow shorter and the nights begin growing longer. This is a celebration of the Sun God’s height of power and recognition that he will soon begin to decline into his death. Many of the Nocturnal fold celebrate the decline into darkness; their time of heightened power.

Midsummer is the time for the reappearance of the Fae, or Faerie folk. It is believed that by standing outside on the night of the Midsummer full moon, one can see the Fae as they return from their underground homes. A tradition of Litha is to leave an offering to the Fae so they will remain helpful to you throughout the year. Oftentimes gifts of honey, milk and string or ribbons are left to them.
Many Pagan traditions use this time to gather their ritual water for the next six months by harnessing the power of the rainstorm. The lightening from the storms charges the water which is stored on a shelf in a glass jar. Litha is also the time magickal and medicinal herbs were gathered. The women would go into the fields and woods and gather the herbs to dry in the warm summer air. When the herbs were taken, a form of fertilizer and water was left as a gift to the plant. This way it would continue to grow so there would be a place to harvest from the next year. These herbs would be used not only for seasoning for cooking, but also for any magickal or medicinal needs for the rest of the year as many plants were not available or were not flowering during other times of the year.

Being nocturnal at this time of year, it is good to keep in mind that the long nights will soon return. Celebrate the warm weather and as much sunlight as is tolerable. The sun provides nutrients human bodies need to keep healthy. Many Nightkind hold their gatherings in the evening to avoid much of the direct sunlight and then carry their vigils overnight and stay up to watch the sunrise.

Lammas

Lammas is celebrated on August 1st and marks the first harvest of the fall. This Sabbat is also known as Lughnasadh, named of the Celtic Sun God Lugh. The name Lammas comes from the Saxon name for “bread-mass” which reflects the importance of bread for this holiday. The fertility of summer is passing and it is now time to harvest that abundance. The central theme for the holiday is the giving of thanks for the crops. Much of the symbolism for this Sabbat revolved around corn and grains, the crops usually harvested in early fall.

Newly harvested wheat and other grains prompted the baking of fresh breads. If you don’t make your own bread you could get a fresh loaf from the local bakery. Take some time from your busy life to stop and think about what is important in your life and perhaps do a small ritual to thank the Gods for the blessings you have received in the past year. If you aren’t a gardener, visit a local market and get some home grown produce for your Lammas meal.

During Lammas, a tradition was hand fasting or trial marriages. Men and women were lined up on either side of a high wooden wall. A hole was carved in the wall, large enough for a hand. One by one a boy and a girl would grasp a hand in the hole without seeing who was on the other side. They were now married and lived together for a year to see if it was a successful union. If not, they separated at the next year’s celebration and tried a new wedding with a different partner.

As of old, people sang and danced jigs and reels to the music of melodeons, fiddles and flutes and held sporting contests and races. A woman was crowned with summer flowers and seated at a throne with garlands strewn at her feet. Dancers whirled around her, touching her garlands or pulling off a ribbon for good luck. The ancient goddess of the harvest was remembered with honor.

This was the beginning of the hardest work our ancestors had to do. Getting all of the harvest in, stored, packed; canned, cooked, salted before the storms of winter was a race against time. Lammas teaches us to live in the Now as fully as possible and get done what can be done now and to plan for the future at the same time. We share our abundance with others and share the burden of survival so the burden is lightened by many other shoulders. In this spirit, get in touch with the Pagan community in your area and network, share and commune with others. Bring in the harvest together and make new friendship that will sustain you through the coming dark of winter.

At Lammas, look at your life and see where you have aimed, and if you are still on target. Have you accomplished what you set out to do? What do you still have to get done? Don’t let the sultry summer heat sap your strength and determination. Many times we get bogged down in the day to day and forget the larger picture. Lammas gives us time to check in on our progress so we can give ourselves a kick-start if needed. As the sun is waning now, we will be turning more and more inward, until we finish this process at Samhain. There is still time before the winter to get accomplished those things which need the sun and summer to grow.

Mabon

Mabon is the second harvest festival of the year and is observed around September 22nd on the Autumnal Equinox. It also marks the day when day and night are the same length and nocturnal powers will be on the rise. Other themes of Mabon are equal day and night, equality among ourselves and our community, balancing our lives, culture and deciding what we might do to achieve this balance. We celebrate what we have harvested in our lives up to this point, look to see what has grown and matured from the seeds we have sown earlier and see what we still need for our own growth, both mentally and spiritually. And we also give thanks for what we have by honoring the harvest. Share what you have with others, donate food to a local food bank, do volunteer work and/or attend a Pagan Pride Day.[1]
The apple is a staple of Mabon recipes and was traditionally rubbed before eating to remove all spirits thought to be within. Apples were thought to restore health, aid longevity and restore physical strength. Because of these benefits, apple cider or hard cider was often a traditional drink.

This is the most important festival to the agricultural cultures as the majority of the harvest came in. The Harvest Moon, also referred to as the Wine moon due to the ripening grapes, is the brightest of all the Moons. Many farmers had to work long into the night under the light of this Moon to get all their harvesting finished in time. A small corner of the harvest was left in the fields and not taken up. It was bound tightly and left to stand until the Harvest Festival, when it would be symbolically sacrificed to represent the sacrificed God of Vegetation. This would then be dressed in clothing and was often burned in a sacrifice to the Gods as a large “Wicker man”. In many fields today you may see one small area left un-harvested as many farmers still believe it to be unlucky to harvest the last corner of a field.

[1] http://www.paganpride.org

The Esbats

The full moon of each month, also called an Esbat, is a time of celebration for Pagans both light and dark. This is a time when magickal workings are done for specific purposes and blessings and reverence of the Moon are performed. Pagans are careful observers of the moon, watching its emergence from darkness, growth to fullness, and decline back into darkness.[1] The different phases of the moon are used for different tasks for Pagans such as planting and harvesting or beginning a new phase in their lives. They might go further into the days of the week or times of the day to plan their workings.

Each moon has a different name dependant on the month and time of the season.

The names listed below are names I use from my particular tradition. Names may differ depending on your tradition or your reading materials.

Full Moon Months and Names
Month	Moon Name
January	Wolf
February	Storm
March	Chaste
April	Seed
May	Flower
June	Rose
July	Thunder
August	Corn
September	Harvest
October	Blood
November	Frost
December	Long Night

For a good list of the moon names, please visit http://www.fabandpp.org/moons.htm

[1] Graham Harvey, Contemporary Paganism: Listening People, Speaking Earth, page 14-15

Magic and the Moon Phases

New Moon Magic:
Perform a spell on this date when you are starting a spell that is on the uphill such as a spell for success, love, improving health, and new beginnings.

Dark Moon Magic:
The dark moon is a time for dealing with attackers, for exploring our darkest recesses and understanding our anger, passion and bringing justice.

Waning Moon Magic:
Waning moon (from full to dark) is from three ten days after the full moon. The waning moon is used for banishing magic, for ridding oneself of addictions, illness or negativity.

Waxing Moon Magic:
Waxing moon (when the moon is growing to full) magick is done from seven to fourteen days after the new moon. The waxing moon is for constructive magic, such as love, wealth, success, courage, friendship, luck or health.

All work on this page is created by Solitaire except where notated. All work on this page and all images are copyright 2004 to Mora Zoranokov.

Resources:
http://www.circlesanctuary.org
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/5606
http://www.celticspirit.org
Contemporary Paganism by Graham Harvey
Nocturnal Witchcraft by Konstantinos
http://www.newadvent.org
Terri Paajanen’s e-class articles
http://www.fabandpp.org/cotm/moons.htm

Paganism

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:33:41 CDT

What is a Pagan?

1. pa gan(pgn) n. One who is not a Christian, Muslim, or Jew, especially a worshiper of a polytheistic religion. One who has no religion. A non-Christian. A hedonist. A Neo-Pagan. adj. Not Christian, Muslim, or Jewish. Professing no religion; heathen. Neo-Pagan. [Middle English, from Late Latin pgnus, from Latin, country-dweller, civilian, from pgus, country, rural district. See pag- in Indo-European Roots.]
2. paganism \Pa"gan*ism\ (-[i^]z'm), n. [L. paganismus: cf. F. paganisme. See Pagan, and cf. Painim.] The state of being pagan; pagan characteristics; esp., the worship of idols or false gods, or the system of religious opinions and worship maintained by pagans; heathenism.
3. paganism n : any of various religions other than Christianity or Judaism or Islamism [syn: pagan religion, heathenism]

Okay, all those definitions are really nice. But what IS a Pagan?
Being a Pagan myself, this is a very complicated answer to a very simple question. Bear with me while I try and explain. In her book "The Practical Pagan", Dana Eilers states, and quite adequately, “If you put ten self professed Pagans in a room, you will probably wind up with more than fifteen definitions of Paganism.”[1] Keeping this in mind, I have included several different definitions in the section above. So how can you tell what a Pagan is if you have literally hundreds of different definitions for what Paganism is? Let’s start with the basics. What makes a Pagan, Pagan? Common ground that many Pagans share is:

1. The Worship of Multiple Gods: Pagans worship a dual deity such as the Lord and Lady in Wicca. Many Pagans choose patron deities from either a select pantheon such as Greek or Egyptian, or they select the deities that call to them from many different pantheons. We also see this divinity as a dual force, meaning those Gods and Goddesses can be both male and female. Divinity is not only external, as with the Gods, but is also internal as we are all God or Goddess incarnate.
2. A Reverence of Nature: Pagans keep the Earth in mind when they live everyday life. This also links our idea of divinity around us in every rock, tree and creature. We work within nature because we are nature and it is within us. We are a part of the cycle of life. Pagans also tend to be sensitive to the workings of the earth as far as the seasons, phases of the moon, and solar movements as a sort of intuition.
3. Freedom of Choice: Pagans understand that their path is not the one true way for all humans to reach divinity; it is merely the right path for them. It is this freedom of choice that calls many people to Paganism. In this freedom, we respect those who teach, share knowledge, and step forward as leaders, but do not have One Leader to rule us all.
4. Reincarnation: Most Pagans believe that the soul transcends death. We do not truly die but our souls go on in one form or another. What happens in the actual process of Reincarnation is different depending on the beliefs.
5. What Is: Pagans do not believe that each God or Goddess is complete love and light. We accept that they, too, have a dark or negative side. We also do not accept that there is an all encompassing evil force, such as the Christian Devil. We believe in what “is” and what “is not”, such as a person can be a good person and still have negative traits. We also accept that the Trickster deities, who are primarily seen as negative, also have their positive side in the world.

There is no complete universal definition for the word “Pagan”. This word has different meanings to different people, depending on their tradition. At one time, the word meant “all non Christians” and then moved on to an evil term that meant Satan worship. The word can mean anything from those who follow Druidry, to the adherents to Ásatrú, Wicca, and New Age. If you live your life as a tribute to the Gods and in harmony with nature, you will be a Pagan, regardless of the titles, degrees, and initiations or if you come from a long line of Pagans. Really, the term “Pagan” is just a label that each person should be free to use for themselves to identify with others.

~*~*~*~*~

All articles listed under this page should be in regards to Paganism in some manner, shape or form. If you have something to say about Paganism, post away!

Suggestions

Solitia — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:31:49 CDT

Do you have a suggestion for our site? Would you like to see something here that isn't? Do you want information about something you are unfamilar with and want to see it, but don't want to write it? Here's the place to do it! Leave a comment and we'll see what we can do! Perhaps there's a member out there who has just joined who has information. You don't know until you ask, so let the suggestions fly!

History of Unlimited Pathways

Solitia — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 14:13:16 CDT

The Road not Taken: Understanding the beliefs behind Unlimited Pathways
Written by Anumora Zoranokov

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Unlimited Pathways was an idea created in 2000 by the current creator and maintainer, Mora Zoranokov, aka Solitia, and her friend Krystel L Madison, aka Zoomphy, now deceased. The pair maintained that many different paths were diverged from one another out of fear and contempt. Once the paths were made human for them, people would stop being afraid and offer other opinions and voices and ask intelligent questions.

Originally begun as a mailing list with their friends from all over the country, the project was begun. Krystel hosted the site under the name of Whooperdingles and everyone joined for comraderie.While some of us were of the same religion, we were of different sects of that religion and some of us were from a different faith altogether. Yet we all managed to get along together, hold conversations about our beliefs and morals and very rarely did we ever argue and never resorted to name calling or threats. We found it enjoyable to be in one another’s presence and sharing differing ideas and viewpoints. It was a wonderful utopia of ideas and thoughts and we could accept one another without having to be part of their religion, even adopt parts of their religious practices into our own.

So happy were we with our newfound fellowship, we naively believed everyone would want to share this brand of understanding. So many people and television programs espoused the beliefs of unity and diversity and acceptance and we believed we were practicing this ideal. We wanted to be part of the new generations who brought together these paths to enlightenment and sought others who would prescribe to our beliefs. Trying to share this idea with the outside world met with dissention. Many told my Christian friend she was no longer Christian if she even listened to the ideas of other religions. The Pagans met with much Christian bashing when the subject was broached. For religions who preached “love one another” and “acceptance and love”, they didn’t seem to want any part of being helpful to one another and bettering the world, regardless of race, creed, religion, gender or sexual preference.

Later a website was begun and many people showed interest with contributing articles and classes they had written, sharing a different look on their lives and environments. For awhile we stuck primarily to a website and a mailing list for those who were accepting to come together and chat with one another, share beliefs and just have a good time being in the company of those who understood not everyone had to tread the same path to enlightenment. It became a burden trying to educate people who clearly did not want to be educated and blocking or banning them, only to have them come back to the list under another screen name and start the same problems all over again. From there a real life group was begun, now titled Unlimited Pathways, and began drawing people from all over the US and Canada. Again the venture failed due to one person maintaining the website and many others not knowing what kind of content to post, the site fell to the wayside. The real life meetings ended with those who sought to bring down the group due to disagreements with the host and her belief in showing all paths, not just those everyone was comfortable with. The site sat dormant, the mailing list was hacked and destroyed and the real life group disbanded. The website was eventually taken down due to lack of interest in 2002. Solitia, discouraged, had all but given up on her ideas. It was clear that many people just were not ready to be as accepting as we were.

Something I couldn’t wrap my brain around was why it was such a strange idea to have many different faiths sharing beliefs. One would think that being knowledgeable about other religions and finding your true place where you were comfortable and fulfilled would be a benefit. I tried asking those who were aggressive in their tactics and met only with the same answers of being evil or crazy or several other terms that weren’t as flattering. I turned to my friends and many of them responded with the same puzzlement as I had. The only person who could offer a succinct answer was my friend Kat. She stated, “Everyone wants their religion to be "right" and a lot of people feel that if it doesn't work for everyone, it can't be the right path for them, too. So, instead of accept that people are different; they seek to wedge everyone into their set of beliefs so that they can feel vindicated. They want their religion to be the ONLY religion so they don’t have to be faced with a choice.” It seems to tie into the whole “herd mentality” that everyone has to be the same. It is the same mentality that drives people to strive for mediocrity and those who are truly talented and gifted are left behind and driven away from leading great lives because they, like most others, want to find a sense of acceptance and, instead, find scathing remarks and people tearing down their ideas. Many people follow the same line of reasoning that I did and take down their groups that promote honest to goodness diversity and acceptance in favor of the groups who pretend at the idea.

Unfortunately, many of the members were not open minded enough to allow certain subjects while asking for acceptance themselves of other ideas some found controversial. While the subject was not failed, it was something that fell to the wayside during school and other activities that took prescedence over online chattering. It stayed true in the hearts of both Zoomphy and Solitia with Zoomphy continuing with her Whooperdingles and Solitia taking a detour to sort herself out. I decided that just because the many didn’t see the points I was making were true, those who were searching for the same “something” we were offering would find home with others of like mind and service. I reopened Unlimited Pathways as a website once again and allow those who would shout the ideas from the mountain tops, yet would attack a small group of likeminded individuals for practicing their beliefs would soon hang themselves and the truth would shine through.

Krystel Madison died in January of 2005. The idea did not die, however, and Solitia continued her work in drawing many paths together, rekindling the idea of Unlimited Pathways in a second generation website. This website barely gained ground and still exists on its home on Angelfire. Eventually coming to the conclusion of a Wiki to draw paths together, Solitia began the Unlimited Pathways Wiki on September 11, 2007. This way as others would leave, still others would join. It seemed like the perfect solution to her conundrum of how to be inclusive while still monitoring content and not having to do everything one handed.

Unlimited Pathways isn’t about everyone believing the same thing, it is about accepting the truths that are inherent in each of us and presenting them not as what is right for the whole, but for what is right for the individual. It is about accepting other’s beliefs as being valid for them, even if they are not your own. Unlimited Pathways is about finding peace within yourself and a willingness to share those beliefs with others as a beacon of light, not a blusterous foghorn. It is about being a shining example of what humanity should be and working to bring that ideal about not by badgering others into compliance, but by showing them through example. As the infant needs to be shown how to walk, the intolerant need to be shown acceptance. These are the beliefs on which Unlimited Pathways was founded, what means to those who prescribe to the belief and what we attempt to show every day.

Welcome to Unlimited Pathways. May the vision live on!

Be a Moderator

Solitia — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:41:09 CDT

So you're interested in being a moderator? Excellent! If you wish to be a moderator, there are a few requirements you have to meet.

Show us you are interested in being involved in the community. You should have at least posted an article to the Wiki, been active and posted comments to the site. Your comments should be constructive and your articles must follow the rules of the site, including the Wetpaint TOS.
Post a comment stating why you are interested in becoming a moderator for this website.
Have a little chat with the creator and discuss the purpose of the site and your intended ideas for moderation.

Should everything match the site and what we're trying to do here, you will be approved!

Who We Are

Solitia — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:38:14 CDT

Meet the Keepers of the Lore. These are members of the site more commonly referred to as moderators. They make sure the content on our Wiki sticks to the purpose of the page and does not break the rules of contribution. If you have any difficulties, please contact one of these members and they will help you to the best of their ability.

Solitia

What is Bisexuality?

Solitia — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 02:12:08 CDT

WHAT IS BISEXUALITY? WHO IS BISEXUAL?

By Kathy Labriola, Counselor/Nurse

WHAT IS BISEXUALITY?

Many people are 100% gay or lesbian, and are drawn sexually and emotionally only to partners of the same sex. Others are completely heterosexual, bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with people of another sex. But what about everybody else? A significant percentage of people do not fit neatly into either of these categories, because they experience sexual and emotional attractions and feelings for people of different genders at some point during their lives. For lack of a better term, they are called bisexuals, although many people prefer to call themselves "pansexual," "non-preferential," "sexually fluid," "ambisexual," or "omni-sexual."
The Kinsey scale of zero to six was developed by sex researchers to describe sexual orientation as a continuum. Heterosexual people are at zero on the scale, gay and Lesbian people are at six at the other end of the scale, and everyone in between, from one to five, is bisexual. People who fall at one or two on the scale have primarily heterosexual sexual and affectional relationships and desires, but have some attraction and experiences with same -sex partners as well. People at three on the scale are approximately equally attracted to both men and women. People at four and five on the Kinsey scale choose primarily same-sex partners, but are not completely gay or lesbian and have some heterosexual tendencies and relationships as well.

WHO IS BISEXUAL?

As you can see, there is no simple definition of bisexuality, and bisexual people are a very diverse group. There are several theories about different models of bisexual behavior. J. R. Little identifies at least 13 types of bisexuality, as defined by sexual desires and experiences.
They are:
Alternating bisexuals: may have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.

Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.

Concurrent relationship bisexuals: have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.

Conditional bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.

Emotional bisexuals: have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.

Integrated bisexuals: have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.

Exploratory bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or "see what it's like."

Hedonistic bisexuals: primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.

Recreational bisexuals: primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Isolated bisexuals: 100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Latent bisexuals: completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.

Motivational bisexuals: straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.

Transitional bisexuals: temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of moving from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.

Many of these people might not call themselves bisexual, but because they are attracted to and have relationships with both men and women, they are in fact bisexual.
While literally millions of people are bisexual, most keep their sexual orientation secret, so bisexual people as a group are nearly invisible in society. Gay men and lesbian women have long recognized the need to join together, create community, and to organize politically. Long years of hard work have led to significant gains in political and human rights, as well as a visible and thriving gay and lesbian community. Bisexual people have been much slower to come out of the closet, create community, and form political and social networks to gain visibility and political clout. Many bisexual people have spent decades working in gay and lesbian organizations, and in recent years, bisexuals have become more accepted as part of the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community. However, the rigid dichotomy between gay and straight has caused many bisexuals to feel alienated and rejected by gay men and lesbian women, and in recent years many independent bisexual political and social groups have sprung up.
Many bisexual people complain that they feel like outsiders in both the straight and gay/lesbian worlds, and that they can't fit in anywhere, feeling isolated and confused. Studies have shown that bisexual people suffer from social isolation even more than gay men or lesbians because they lack any community where they can find acceptance and role models. Many gay men feel that bisexual men are really gay, that they are just in denial about being Gay, and that they should "just get over it." Many straight men are homophobic and hate and fear both bisexual and gay men, often victimizing them with harassment and physical violence. Many straight women reject bisexual men out of misguided fears that they have AIDS, and admonish them to "stop sitting on the fence and make up their minds." Bisexual women are often distrusted by lesbians for "sleeping with the enemy," hanging onto heterosexual privileges through relationships with men, and betraying their allegiance to women and feminism. Straight women often reject bisexual women out of fear they will make sexual overtures and try to "convert" them to being bisexual.
Both the straight and gay/lesbian communities seem to have only two possible models of bisexuality, neither of which represents bisexual people accurately. The first is the "transitional model" of bisexuality, believing that all bisexuals are actually gay or lesbian but are just on the way to eventually coming out as gay. The other is the "pathological model", that bisexuals are neurotic or mentally unstable because they are in conflict trying to decide whether they are straight or gay/lesbian, and that they just can't make a decision. Both models see bisexuality as a temporary experience or a "phase" born out of confusion rather than an authentic sexual orientation equally as valid as heterosexuality or homosexuality. Some people see bisexuality as inherently subversive because it blurs the boundaries, confronting both heterosexuals and gay men and lesbian women with sexual ambiguity. As a result, bisexuality challenges concepts of sexuality, traditional relationship and family structures, monogamy, gender, and identity. Bisexuals cannot conform to the ethics of either the gay or straight world or they would not be bisexual. Instead they must re-invent personal ethics and values for themselves, and create responsible lifestyles and relationships that serve their needs even though they don't fit anyone else's rules.
Some researchers have note that being bisexual is in some ways similar to being bi-racial. Mixed-race persons generally don't feel comfortable or accepted by people of either ethnic group, feeling that they don't belong or fit in anywhere, as their existence challenges the very concept of race. Like bisexual people, they spend most of their lives moving between two communities that don't really understand or accept them. Like biracial people, bisexual people must struggle to invent their own identities to correspond to their own experience. Forming a bisexual identity helps bisexual people to structure, to make sense of , and to give meaning and definition to their reality.

STAGES OF BISEXUAL IDENTITY

For most bisexuals, there are at least four steps or stages to fully acknowledging and becoming comfortable with their identities as bisexuals.

Confusion over sexual orientation.
Most bisexual people start out feeling very confused about their attraction towards people of both sexes, questioning their own reality, and wondering "Is something wrong with me/"Some spend their entire lives in this stage, hiding their sexual orientation, feeling isolated and alone with the inner turmoil over their "dual attractions. Many go through life identifying as straight or gay/lesbian in order to be accepted and make sense of their sexual orientation. Because their own experience does not conform to either community, they feel intense external pressure to choose one and identify with it. Without any language to frame their own reality, and no visible role models or community available to them, bisexual people must have sufficient self-confidence and belief in their own identity in order to eventually transcend this stage.
Discovery of the bisexual label and choosing to identify as bisexual.
Almost all bisexual people acknowledge that discovering the label "bisexual" was pivotal in understanding and accepting their sexual orientation. Most experience extreme relief when they hear the word "bisexual" for the first time, because they finally have a word that mirrors their experience and feelings. For some, the negative stereotypes of bisexuals as "promiscuous" "fence sitters," neurotic, or vectors of AIDS prevent them from identifying with the label or claiming it for themselves, but most agree that it comes closer than any other language to describing their lives. Instead of rejecting the label, many bisexuals invent their own definition and create bisexual lifestyles that fit their individual lives.
Settling into and maintaining a bisexual identity.
For many bisexual people, this step is the most difficult. Intellectually, they feel good about being bisexual, but emotionally, they experience extreme conflict living in the real world as bisexual. Often scorned by family and friends and rejected by spouses or potential partners for being bisexual, they find that to develop and maintain a bisexual identity requires inner strength, self-reliance, confidence, and independence. Many overcome these obstacles by forming their own community, finding accepting friends and lovers, and staying out of the closet despite the consequences.
Transforming adversity.
For most bisexuals, coming out and staying out of the closet is an on-going process which must be repeated with every new social situation, workplace, friend, and lover. Many see this process as the most important form of political action, creating visible role models and a cohesive bisexual community. Because most bisexuals have suffered through the first three stages alone and in silence, they want to make it easier for other bisexuals to recognize and embrace their sexual orientation without years of inner turmoil and loneliness. Many also get involved in bisexual political organizations as a way to increase bisexual visibility and promote bisexuality as a viable identity. Just as gay men and lesbians were only able to win some rights through fighting in both the social and political arenas, bisexuals will only win political and human rights through coming out of the closet and developing political clout.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?

Does any of this sound familiar? Are you struggling with ambivalence or confusion over your sexual orientation? Or are you ready to embrace a bisexual orientation? Are you seeking community to share your developing identity with others? If so, reach out for support now. Check out one of the many bisexual and questioning support groups listed on the back of this pamphlet, to find a safe place to express your feelings and meet others who are going through similar experiences. One to one counseling or therapy can also be helpful in sorting out feelings and gaining clarity and self-confidence. Be careful to seek out a non-judgmental therapist who is supportive of bisexuality and has expertise in bisexual issues. And joining bisexual social or political groups is also a great way to see visible role models and to allow your bisexual identity to evolve in a way that fits you. and last, but certainly not least, there are now many excellent books on bisexuality which may help you understand and fully embrace your sexual orientation.

History of Polyamory

Solitia — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 02:08:24 CDT

Polyamory

What is Polyamory?
Polyamory means "loving more than one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or a combination thereof, according to the desires and agreement of the individuals involved.
"Polyamorous" is also used as as descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. It is behaving in ways which are honest, and which make you, and the people you care about, and the people they care about happy and fulfilled. Polyamory is about building new configurations of relationships, being open to the opportunity if it comes along, not refusing commitments
because something better might come loping down the path.
(* from FAQ at alt.polyamory)

An interesting question. What is Polyamory? The definition above states it just simply as "loving more than one". Kathy Labriola defines Polyamory as an intense loving relationship between two or more people. Polyamory literally means many loves. So enough for the simple definitions that tell you absolutely nothing important. Let's start with where the poly movement began.

Polyamory in the United States began as polygamy with Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon religion, or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Through a series of visions, Smith announced polygamy to his followers as a part of Mormon spirituality in 1843 and Bringham Young publicly announced this practice in 1852. Polygamy allowed men to marry more than one wife as long as he could provide for everyone in his family. The Mormons were sexually conservative and rejected the ideals of romantic love, intense courtship and contraception. Sex was seen merely as a device for procreation. Extramarital affairs, premarital sex, and all sexual acts that would not directly lead to conception were strictly forbidden and enforced at a cost of death or emasculation. The reasoning stands that polygamy was not for the purpose of sex, but as a way to have as many children as possible.

Since the Christian doctrine did not allow for polygamy, the Mormons were the subject of hate from many sources, mainly Protestant missionaries and women writers who “attempted to emancipate plural wives from their alleged sexual slavery.” (D’Emilio and Freedman 117) Even though our country preached freedom of religion, from the 1860’s to the 1880’s the federal government prosecuted Mormons who practiced polygamy. Given this opposition, the Mormons withdrew their approval for polygamy in 1890.

Most polyamorous families are not all married to one another. There is usually a primary couple who are married and the others who consider themselves married, but do not have an actual marriage certificate. Some of the families live together and others have separate living quarters where the father and husband visit frequently. In the families that live together, the child rearing and household responsibilities are shared. In all ethical cases, all the wives know about each other and support the decision of their husband taking on the new partner. Kathy Labriola, a counselor and nurse, defines Polyamory as “an intense loving relationship between members of the same sex or those of the opposite sex”. Some polyamorous people are married, others are single: Polyamorous people may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. The Polyamorous system does not have to be a sexual system, but it can be.

Most of the cynicism given to Polyamory is due to people thinking Polyamory is for sexual practices. Kilbride in “Plural Marriage for our Times: A Reinvented Option?” states, In linking sexuality to marriage we generally view having multiple marital partners […] as resulting predominately from sex drive. […] Of the various reasons why plural marriage occurs, a sexual outlet is minimized within a wider, more general body of needs and functions considered important for both individuals and the wider society. (25)This statement agrees that the practice of polygamy is not about sex. As was stated earlier, the Mormons used polygamy as a way of advancing their religion and baptizing their ancestors, not for greater sexual acts. The people who practice Polyamory today use Polyamory as a means of freedom of expression and bettering themselves as people.Since they have found that loving another person in no way diminished the feelings they have for another person, they want recipients for their love.

Another opposition of Polyamory comes from the idea of traditional family. Again coming to my defense is Kilbride. In “Plural Marriage for our Times”, he states this valid point: Those who cling to the idea of the “traditional” as the absolute baseline against which all other change must be measured need only reflect on our own marital and family patterns over the last century or so to see that the idea of the traditional is itself always subject to changing circumstances. (15)Indeed, this makes itself true. The modern idea of family is a smaller unit than it was in previous eras. Most of our ancestors lived in houses with several generations of their family, all worked together and shared duties and responsibilities. They all took care of each other. The workload was not too heavy on any one person.

The third opposition comes from the stigma given from the church and those values, in turn, handed down from generation to generation. Most churches do not approve of Polyamory and are actively against it, stating Polyamory is disapproved of in the Bible. In an interview with Hanna Wolfson from the Detroit news, Stephen Butt, a polygamous man, stated his case for polygamy.[My family and I] believe that plural marriage is allowed for in the bible to meet practical, real needs, and this should be acknowledged by the Christian Church. Obviously polygamy can’t be something that’s immoral if God allowed it with [David and Solomon] whom he showed so much favor. I am in agreement with this point. Why would God tell his “favorites” they could have more than one wife and not allow anyone else to have the same privilege? That doesn’t seem to fit with the Christian ideal of God as fair and just. I think the Christians need to re-evaluate their position on this issue and read the bible a little closer. If they did, perhaps they would find real proof for Polyamory instead of bending the Bible to disprove Polyamory.

So why do people want to be polyamorous? Kilbride tells us in “Plural Marriage for our Times” about one LA radio station that asked the question “Why would one want to date a married man?” One caller stated she used to have an affair with a married man. She loved the man and his wife and helped them through the pregnancy and birth of a defective child. She would never have tried to steal the husband from the wife and the wife knew this. The woman caller was a good friend to the husband and wife. The wife, who was very worried about the child she was carrying, knew and consented to what was going on in the relationship with her husband and friend. With someone else to satisfy the husband and be sure he was taken care of, the woman was more relaxed, taking some of the stress from her unborn child. In times of strife, people have been known to turn to sex as a means of consolation. The friend could have provided this for the husband. Both the husband and wife must have been worried about the child and it is always nice to have another shoulder to lean on in times of strife. With the United States being a country that preaches freedom of expression, it limits us to say there is one and only one valid form of the expression of love. To quote Kilbride’s “Plural Marriage for our Times”, “Monogamy is seen as splendid for many but unworkable for others, and it is for the latter that some form of plural marriage should be a choice.” (11) Many of the people I chatted with on my Polyamory message board said they had been involved in or had explored the possibility of monogamy and were not happy with the results. Nunsense wrote, "I tried to explore the possibility of being monogamous, and realized that, while I did have a revelation about jealousy […] I still have no clue what it would be like to want one person only for the rest of my life. Being open to love, in all its aspects, is a part of who I am."

I have to respect that statement and I have to admire the courage of these people in trying to be monogamous. They at least have a basis for comparison and have found that love is a wonderful thing. SophiaP expresses one of the most heartwarming points toward polyamory. “One of the amazing things about coming out as poly is that I find that I am now able to love someone more because I love someone else. […] Suddenly, I find myself loving both men more, just because I love each individually. What a wonderful thing!” Being a polyamorous person myself, this speaks volumes to me about how I feel about being free to express my love with more than one person. It offers an inside look at the heart of a poly person. Kathy Labriola, in her pamphlet “Are you Open to an Alternative Lifestyle?” states, “Many people try to live a monogamous lifestyle and find it just does not meet their needs. They come to believe that is it unrealistic to expect any one person to fulfill all their needs for intimacy, companionship, love and sex for the rest of their lives. Many people become non-monogamous as a way to avoiding some of the problems they have experienced in monogamous relationships.”

Polyamorous people are usually independent and have many sources of emotional support rather than depending on their spouse for everything. Polyamorous people are assertive and able to voice their own needs clearly and honestly. Polyamory can strengthen relationships by encouraging each partner to be honest with themselves and each other and to communicate clearly about their feelings. After the initial fear of change subsides, many people feel comfortable with Polyamory as long as they feel secure that they are loved and will not be abandoned. Most people experience less of the anxiety and more of the satisfaction of Polyamory if they know what to expect and feel secure that their partners will abide by rules that are mutually agreed upon. (Labriola)

There are many benefits for children associated with Polyamory. There were major findings in Kilbride’s “Plural Marriage for our Times” about the effects of polygamous families on children. A study group of 150 Anglo Children from non-conventional backgrounds and a control group of fifty children from conventional families were tracked until they entered junior high school. One result showed that eighty-six percent of non-conventional families scored above median grades and test scores. Their IQ test scores averaged 113, which is higher than the national norm of 100. The results suggest that non-conventional families do not have undesirable effects on children. Divorce, on the other hand, has been found harmful to children. If more partners were added to the core family, there would be less divorce. If there is not a divorce, there are no stepfamilies or single parent families, which would improve the standings of child abuse for the better. Norval Glenn stated in his pamphlet “Closed Hearts, Closed Minds: A Textbook Study of Marriage”, “Sexual abuse is more common in step-families, child abuse and serious injury are more common in single parent families.” There would be less tension between the new siblings and new parental figures. The new parent would not have to step in and take a parental role to the children of the core marriage from the beginning. It would be a gradual process. Animosity would be reduced and “playing the parents” would be little if any at all.

Polyamory gives already stressed parents an extra hand in our time of high paced society. In “An Immodest Proposal” by Julie Ann Kessler, Elizabeth Joseph, one of eight wives of Alex Joseph, proclaims the polygamous lifestyle is a way to empower career minded women. She states, “I’ve maximized my female potential without the tradeoffs associated with monogamy.” She went to a law school knowing her husband was in good care. She also is proud of the fact her eight year old has never seen the inside of a daycare. The Josephs say there are not a lot of good men, so it is better if good women marry the same man. In the words of Kessler, writer for the Claremont Institute, “In these times when our understanding of the nature of family has expanded to include two mommies and two daddies, blended families and single parent families, why not include polygamous families?” Why indeed? It has shown successful for not only the parents, but for the children, since daycares are seen as harmful for young children. It also alleviated the stress from the college student mother. Her child was in good care while she attended classes and worked on homework.When women become wives and mothers, society dumps the success of the family and household on the women. Glenn comments on the health of married women of this situation in “Closed Hearts: Closed Minds”. He states, "A few studies have shown that some symptoms of stress, including chronic depression, occur more often among married women than among either unmarried women or married men, which does suggest that marriage is either more stressful on or less helpful to, at least some married women."

This might be because the nuclear family leads women to do not only a career job but another job at home with children, cooking, cleaning, and finance to name a few. With another woman in the household, these duties are split, making it easier. Polygamy also helps with satisfaction of sexual desires. Kilbride puts it best when he says, “A couple can’t just put the kids to bed, flip a switch on, become physical, catch up on work and go to sleep.” (35) If another woman is there, a woman feels better about the nights she doesn’t feel like having sex or is just too tired to care. She doesn’t have to make excuses, she can sleep easy knowing her husband is happy.

What are the downsides of Polyamory? In my research, I found only two real problems with Polyamory. The first problem is, of course, social stigma. I have talked to some poly people from the Loving More message board. They were very shy to talk about their lifestyle, fearing being looked down upon by friends, family, co-workers, ex spouses or boyfriends who will come back on them. Being openly published as poly could lead to their children being taken from them. They fear not only hypothetical but also literal lynching that have happened to poly people in the past. Norval in “Closed Hearts: Closed Minds” writes, “The more pressing danger is posed by negative stereotypes of alternative family forms, which encourage racial prejudice and may created social pressures that discourage us as individuals from freely choosing,” (Aulette) When people are brought up in a household that discriminates against those who are different, it creates a breeding ground not only for more hate, but jealousy against those people who are happy being different, especially when the haters are trapped in their misery. Kilbride poses his point on this matter in “Plural Marriage for our Times” when he says, “It seems easily verifiable that our national American Culture, in its narrowly focused absolutionist vision of heterosexual monogamy as the only proper marital form has caused much suffering to many, if not most, Americans.” (2) If more people were allowed to choose an alternative marriage, those people on the whole would be healthier and happier.

One of the problems that can come from social stigma is not being able to share the elements of your life with your family. Jon Melusky, a personal interview and moderator for the Loving More message board told me his ideas on Polyamory. He and his wife are a poly couple. I asked for his input on how open he was with non-poly relatives. His response was very positive. “Some relatives would not understand and are private people so we respect their boundaries in certain topics. Some relatives are cool and can be told anything and a deeper bond can happen with them.” It is wonderful for Jon that he has family with whom he can speak on this matter. Many poly people keep their relationships private from family and friends altogether.

The other problem I have seen with Polyamory is jealousy. I can honestly state from personal opinion, jealousy is a dangerous beast to tame in any relationship, let alone a relationship in which a partners are sharing one another. Jealousy is a multi-layered emotion composed of anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, agitation, sadness, paranoid, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless, feeling inadequate, and feeling excluded. It is not easy to pick the feelings apart and examine so emotions may be expressed in a calm and diplomatic manner. There is a ray of light, however, for those who need professional help. There are poly friendly counselors such as Kathy Labriola who is more than willing to help families overcome their jealousy. She has even published pamphlets on the subject. They have been posted online to help those who cannot get help from a poly friendly counselor.

Polyamory is not a new system: it has been around since human creation. How is it fairing in modern society? Joe Costanzo reported it from the Deseret news that Joseph Ginat, a University of Haifa professor said pockets of plural marriage including those in Utah will benefit from national growth and new membership and stated plural marriage is practiced by […] seventy-eight percent of the world’s populations. Ginat predicted continued growth of Polyamory because of the large numbers of kids being raised in the culture and increasing membership. On this note, I asked Jon, my friend from the message board, why he first chose to be involved in Polyamory. He said, “Both [myself and my wife] tried bisexuality and loved it. But now it is more about two people can’t fulfill 100% of each other’s needs. The more the merrier in getting needs met and supporting each other in projects and other tasks, too.” I then asked how he handled the pressure of a society who does not believe in poly ideals. His reply was, “I get frustrated at the TV for not showing my values, sometimes. But I try not to measure my self worth by what society thinks or feels.” If anything, Polyamory is going to stay because of the mindset of the people involved in poly relationships. When the polyamorous people are only slightly annoyed with misrepresentation, the practice will continue as long as we can find quiet little spots to settle and raise a family.

In closing, I would like to say that as being a poly person, it is most definitely not easy being poly. In no way, shape or form does it just "happen". There are the marital disputes that every marriage has and those are compounded when you include another person. However, it is not impossible and is very probable and practical when you take it one day at a time and lay everything out on the table. Keep lines open and completely honest. Even if it would hurt someone's feelings, if it is how you feel, and you tell them, it makes it that much easier to repair. I have included pamphlets and weblinks to help others in their search. While being poly is most assuredly NOT for everyone, for those who have been lacking and needing it, having the option open to them is like a breath of fresh air. They are happier knowing should they find someone else to make them happy they will not have to leave their partner or choose between them. Families will not fall apart. They will continue to have the love of a person that means so very much to them. Their children will continue to have the love and support of both parents in the same household. No divorce, no torn heartstrings. While there may be rough spots, they will persevere because they love one another and because there are lines for open and honest communication or will always TRY to communicate, even when the lines are fuzzy.

If you are looking for some places to go visit or are looking for emotional support as a poly person, you can visit these sites:

	http://www.polyamory.com/- a site for Polys and people who love them
	http://www.polyamory.org/- website for the newsgroup
	http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly.html- information on Polyamory
	http://www.ourlittlequad.com/- Our Little Quad: Polyamory for the Practical
	http://ropi.net/aul/- Polyamory: An Unconditional Love
	http://www.polyamorysociety.org/- More info and articles on Poly
	http://www.lovemore.com/- Loving More Magazine web page with great message boards
	http://www.polymatchmaker.com/- Find your Poly mate here

Suggested Reading List: (You can click the book title to read reviews on Amazon.com

	Plural Marriage for Our Times: A Reinvented Option? by Philip Kilbride (Paperback - 1994)
	The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt (Paperback - December 1998)
	Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits: Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships by Deborah M, Dr. Anapol (Paperback - March 1997)
	Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love by Dorothy Tennov (Paperback - January 1999)
	A Three Ring Marriage : Beyond Dysfunction to a Dynamic Family Life by Brian Murray-Wachtendorf (Hardcover - February 2002)
	Living in Sin?: A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality by John Shelby Spong
	What Is Marriage For? by E. J. Graff
	Sex, Love, and Marriage in the 21st Century: The Next Sexual Revolution by Timothy Perper (Editor), Martha Cornog (Editor)
	Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray by Helen Fisher
	Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People by David P. Barash Ph.D., Judith Eve Lipton M.D.

From the essay: Works Cited:
Costanzo, Joe. Deseret News Online ed. 13 Jan. 2002. <http://www.deseretnews.com>.
D’Emilio, John and Estelle B. Freedman. Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in
America. Harper and Row: New York. 1988.
Glenn, Norval D. Closed Hearts, Closed Minds: The Textbook Story of Marriage.
Institute for American Values: NewYork. 1997
Kessler, Julie Ann. The Claremont Instutite Centers. 13 Jan. 2002.
<http://www.claremont.org >.
Kilbride, Philip l. Plural Marriage for our Times: A Reinvented Option?. Bergin and
Garvey: Connecticut. 1994.
“Loving More Message Board.” Online Posting. 03 May 2002. Loving More Magazine,
< http://www.polyamory.net/cgi-bin/ultbb/Ultimate.cgi >.
Melusky, Jon. “Poly Questions.” Personal e-mail. May 03, 2002.
Stef. Homepage. 13 Jan. 2002 < http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly.html >.
Wolfson, Hannah. Detroit News Online ed. 13 Jan. 2002.
< http://www.detroitnews.com>.

All work on this page is created by Solitaire except where notated. All work on this page and all images are copyright 2004 to Solitaire. All images and work are not to be used or forwarded except with the express permission of Solitaire. Permission may be requested by e-mailing at sayonarasolitia@gmail.com

Do you have something to contribute? Questions? Comments? Other links or suggested reading? Send an e-mail to sayonarasolitia@gmail.com